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Let these funny Missing You Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Existence needs you.
Without you, something will be missing
in existence and nobody can replace it.
Thats what gives you dignity,
that the whole existence will miss you.
- Osho
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart,
but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
- Kay Knudsen
When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
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I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We ourselves feel that what we are doing
is just a drop in the ocean.
But the ocean would be less
because of that missing drop.
- Mother Teresa
Nothing is missing - Lack is an illusion.
We always have everything we truly need.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
Loneliness is not what it seems.
One does not feel lonely because one is alone,
but because of a feeling of lack -
a feeling that something is missing.
Loneliness is essentially independent
of how many other humans are around.
It has much more to do with one's self-esteem -
one's sense of inherent worth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever God wakes in us, our thinking
becomes clear - nothing is missing.
- St. Thomas Aquinas
Know that where there is love, nothing is missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.