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Let these funny Jesus of Nazareth Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
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I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher 
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
Often, the greatest joy is to be found not in new things,
but in old things seen through new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy
Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You cannot discover new oceans unless
you have the courage to lose site of the shore.
- Anonymous
In order to discover new lands,
one must be willing to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.
- Anonymous
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
Nay, be a Columbus to whole new
continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau
Falling out of love is very enlightening.
For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body
treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- Peter Medawar
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches,
letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.
- Pauline R. Kezer
Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
- Henry David Thoreau
A ship in port is safe,
but that's not what ships are built for.
Sail out to sea and do new things.
- Grace Hopper
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau
Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process,
gradually changing opinions,
slowly eroding old barriers,
quietly building new structures.
- John F. Kennedy
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard
What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau
Be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau
Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
Incite a riot of new ideas.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The creation of something new
is not accomplished by the intellect
but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity.
The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.
- Carl Jung
Do not trouble yourself much
to get new things, whether clothes or friends...
Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
- Henry David Thoreau
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We believe that if men have the talent
to invent new machines that put men out of work,
they have the talent to put those men back to work.
- John F. Kennedy
Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Children are natural Zen masters;
their world is brand new in each and every moment.
- John Bradshaw
Are you feeling stressed and upset?
If so, you are worrying about tomorrow.
Events that have already occurred may cause you regret,
but they only appear to cause worry.
If you just lost your job, you are not worrying about losing your job -
that already happened.
You are worrying about paying your bills and finding a new job.
Those are worries about tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have nothing new to teach the world.
Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills.
All I have done is to try experiments
in both on as vast a scale as I could.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes new love comes between old friends.
Sometimes the best love was the one that was always there.
- Anonymous
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln
Look closely... See with new eyes...
Don't just pass by what is familiar without a thought.
Pay attention and look closely.
There is beauty - there is discovery -
there in a whole new world hiding
beneath the face of the familiar.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A mind that is stretched by a new experience
an never go back to its old dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
Every increased possession
loads us with a new weariness.
- John Ruskin
To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein
There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
I get bored very easily, ...
I have a voracious appetite and I do not feel alive
if I'm repeating something I'm good at.
So I'm always looking for new challenges.
- Jewel
Know that you cannot create great new beginnings
until you sincerely celebrate the endings that precede them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A happy New Year to all the world.
- Charles Dickens
If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson
This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best.
- William Arthur Ward
I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde
We keep moving forward, opening new doors,
and doing new things, because we're curious
and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
- Walt Disney
Where there is an observatory and a telescope,
we expect that any eyes will see new worlds at once.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.