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Let these funny Evita Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Deep in my heart I'm concealing things
that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling -
frightened you'll slip away.
- the movie Evita
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
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"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley 
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't like that man.
I must get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln
Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
"I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Assumptions are beliefs that don't know they are beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
We shall see but a little way if
we require to understand what we see.
- Henry David Thoreau
I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes,
and not rather a new wearer of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
The environment is everything that isn't me.
- Albert Einstein
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The less you know, the more you believe.
- Bono
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
We should not moor a ship with one anchor,
or our life with one hope.
- Epictetus
The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
- Helen Keller
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
We occasionally stumble over the truth
but most of us pick ourselves up and
hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
- Anonymous
The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus
All things appear and disappear
because of the concurrence of causes and conditions.
Nothing ever exists entirely alone;
everything is in relation to everything else.
- The Buddha
As your silence grows; your friendliness, your love grows;
your life becomes a moment-to-moment dance, a joy, a celebration.
- Osho
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
All we are is dust in the wind.
- the band Kansas
Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The final delusion is the belief
that one has lost all delusions.
- Maurice Chapelain
All this worldly wisdom was once
the unamiable heresy of some wise man.
- Henry David Thoreau
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking
The key to growth is the introduction of
higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.
- Lao Tzu
Truthful words are not beautiful;
beautiful words are not truthful.
Good words are not persuasive;
persuasive words are not good.
- Lao Tzu
Ordinary people seem not to realize
that those who really apply themselves
in the right way to philosophy
are directly and of their own accord
preparing themselves for dying and death.
- Socrates
I was taught that the way of progress
is neither swift nor easy.
- Marie Curie
When you are offended at any man's fault,
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger.
- Epictetus
The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz
When you keep getting the wrong answers,
try asking better questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The more I see, the less I know for sure.
- John Lennon
The Lessons of the Book of Life are
Writ Small in its Margins.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Uncertainty that comes from knowledge
(knowing what you don't know)
is different from uncertainty coming from ignorance.
- Isaac Asimov
The more I read, the more I meditate;
and the more I acquire,
the more certain I am that I know nothing.
- Voltaire
The way is not in the sky.
The way is in the heart.
- The Buddha
The water in a vessel is sparkling;
the water in the sea is dark.
The small truth has words which are clear;
the great truth has great silence.
- Rabindranath Tagore
When we have arrived at the question,
the answer is already near.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If in the least particular, one could
derange the order of nature,
who would accept the gift of life?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have found that hollow,
which even I had relied on for solid.
- Henry David Thoreau
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
When you are impeccable, you take
responsibility for your actions,
but you do not judge or blame yourself.
- don Miguel Ruiz
The farther backward you can look,
the farther forward you can see.
- Winston Churchill
The WAY is Not The Way for You,
Unless You Come With an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei
If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry,
that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware
of having no good reason for thinking as you do.
- Bertrand Russell
Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves.
But deep down below the surface of the average conscience
a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
- Carl Jung
"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll
How many things there are concerning which we might
well deliberate whether we had better know them.
- Henry David Thoreau
We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow
There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Like a bird in flight, your life can soar
above the troubles of the world.
Breathe deep, choose, and break the shackles of your past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I confess that there is nothing to teach:
no religion, no science, no writings
which will lead your mind back to Spirit.
Today I speak this way, tomorrow that,
but always the Path is beyond words and beyond mind.
- Lao Tzu
(paraphrase)
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
Look deep into nature, and then
you will understand everything better.
- Albert Einstein
Repressed anger still is anger, it just isn't expressed.
If you truly have no anger, you are blessed and joyful.
If you have repressed anger, know that you have anger,
you just haven't expressed that anger.
Go ahead, express your anger briefly,
pound pillows, scream, curse.
Then take a deep breath, and get over it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The heart of a mother is a deep abyss
at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
- Honore de Balzac
If the Great Way perishes, there will be morality and duty.
When cleverness and knowledge arise, great lies will flourish.
When relatives fall out with one another,
there will be filial duty and love.
When states are in confusion there will be faithful servants.
- Lao Tzu
Without deep reflection,
one knows from daily life
that one exists for other people.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.