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Russell Baker Quotes
Funny Quotes by Russell Baker

Let these funny Russell Baker Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
- Russell Baker

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically
into three major categories;
those that don't work,
those that break down and those that get lost.
- Russell Baker

Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune.
For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure
in events that dismay the rest of humanity.
- Russell Baker

An educated person is one who has learned that information
almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false,
misleading, fictitious, mendacious -
just dead wrong.
- Russell Baker


 

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you,
or they may do it.
- Russell Baker

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible -
cowards and fools.
- Russell Baker

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse
that progress requires them are not really progress at all,
but just terrible things.
- Russell Baker


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People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot
of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
- Russell Baker

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever
enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
- Russell Baker

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President
because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting
together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
- Russell Baker

Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories:
those that don't work,
those that break down and those that get lost.
- Russell Baker

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other
tourists recognize you as a tourist.
- Russell Baker

Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it.
- Russell Baker

Children rarely want to know who their parents were
before they were parents,
and when age finally stirs their curiosity,
there is no parent left to tell them.
- Russell Baker

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.
- Russell Baker

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.
- Russell Baker

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer,
and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that
I would never be fit for real work,
and that writing didn't require any.
- Russell Baker

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.
- Russell Baker

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.
- Russell Baker

Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
- Russell Baker

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself,
confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission
of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.
- Russell Baker

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying
heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport,
the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.
- Russell Baker

I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most
of it began to read like coded messages passing between
lonely aliens in a hostile world.
- Russell Baker

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately?
I say that what we really need is a car that can be
shot when it breaks down.
- Russell Baker

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.
- Russell Baker

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong,
fortunately.
- Russell Baker

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man
and ultimately defeat him.
- Russell Baker

Americans like fat books and thin women.
- Russell Baker

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple
of closets to most Americans,
yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow
trees and cockroaches right on the premises.
- Russell Baker

Occasionally I have come across a last patch of snow
on top of a mountain in late May or June.
There's something very powerful about finding snow in summer.
- Andy Goldsworthy

Nothing is more memorable than a smell.
One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting,
yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.
- Diane Ackerman

Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.
- Hosea Ballou

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth,
the air and you.
- Langston Hughes

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there
was in me an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus

Experience life in all possible ways -
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter.
Experience all the dualities.
Don't be afraid of experience,
because the more experience you have,
the more mature you become.
- Osho

The sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent
will not pass until there is
an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Cloud Animals: Be a Child Again.
I remember warm summer afternoons,
laying in the shade of a maple tree in the back yard
of my Connecticut home watching the clouds for hours.
As those clouds formed dragons and foxes, clowns and angels,
I traveled across space and time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass
under trees on a summer's day,
listening to the murmur of the water,
or watching the clouds float across the sky,
is by no means a waste of time.
- John Lubbock

Let your children be as so many flowers,
borrowed from God.
If the flowers die or wither, thank God for a summer loan of them.
- Samuel Rutherford

It will not always be summer; build barns.
- Hesiod

We only get together when there's a good reason.
Like, last summer, we didn't really intend to go out,
but we thought the B-52's tour was a good opportunity.
- Kathy Valentine

I will always remember this summer day in Paris,
when I was to perform a great acrobatic move.
I can still see myself stepping on the ring of a packed
circus along real performers.
- Tony Curtis

It was one of those March days when the sun shines
hot and the wind blows cold:
when it is summer in the light,
and winter in the shade.
- Charles Dickens

I learned a valuable life lesson that summer.
You should find something in life that you really enjoy
and seriously consider making that your life's work.
- Jim Evans

I have family obligations and all that stuff.
I get my kids six weeks in the summer,
which is a real intense period of time.
I'm with them every minute of the day.
- Tom Berenger

Storage is important.
Whether it's cushions you only use outside in the summer,
or blankets that only come out in the winter,
you've always got to think of where to store them.
- Anthea Turner

The price of imported oil in the US doubled between
summer 2003 and summer 2005,
reducing consumers' purchasing power by more than 1
per cent of gross domestic product.
- Martin Feldstein

Summer is a promissory note signed in June,
its long days spent and gone before you know it,
and due to be repaid next January.
- Hal Borland

Our children were mostly brought up and educated in
the Churchill suburb east of Pittsburgh.
Each summer, we took them back to England for an extended period.
- John Pople

The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met
Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him.
- Matthew Sweet

I knew more about Texas than the Texans and when they
told me I would find summer here I smiled knowingly.
- Richard H. Davis

Well, look at all of these summer blockbusters.
You can't help but laugh a little, because you've already
seen a lot of these movies 482 times.
- Sean Penn

I am hoping to film another ad in the summer for Carte Noire.
- David Ginola

I have a bit of a traveling addiction,
and, ah, yeah.
I went to, ah, Bali this summer.
- Fisher Stevens

People were desperately trying to fill their seats for the summer.
And so prices are really low right now.
And so they are kept from raising prices to make up for that difference.
- David Neeleman

Integrity is so perishable in the summer months of success.
- Vanessa Redgrave

Spring and summer 1942 was probably the worst period
of internal terror in Slovakia.
It was also the time of mass deportation of Slovak
Jews to the extermination camps in Poland.
- Alexander Dubcek

I've cut down on a lot of stuff this summer,
just so I can hang out and be a normal kid for a while.
- Ryan Sheckler

I'd studied dance in Chicago every summer end taught it all winter,
and I was well-rounded.
I wasn't worried about getting a job on Broadway.
In fact, I got one the first week.
- Gene Kelly

The moon is at her full, and riding high,
Floods the calm fields with light.
The airs that hover in the summer sky Are all asleep to-night.
- William C. Bryant

Freedom Summer, the massive voter education project in Mississippi,
was 1964.
I graduated from high school in 1965.
So becoming active was almost a rite of passage.
- Danny Glover

The Recovery Act is working, but it's going to continue to work.
It's not over.
A lot's going to happen this summer.
And even after the summer, there's more to come with the act.
- Joe Biden

I try to do the right thing with money.
Save a dollar here and there, clip some coupons.
Buy ten gold chains instead of 20.
Four summer homes instead of eight.
- LL Cool J

Oh, the summer night, Has a smile of light,
And she sits on a sapphire throne.
- Barry Cornwall

In the summer of '80, Silhouette bought my first book.
- Nora Roberts

For me, the summer will be pure gray -
mother-of-pearl gray,
very pale gray.
To me, this is the big statement for summer.
Then we have light blue, light turquoise,
lots of pink.
- Gianni Versace

The NAACP was even considering earlier this summer
reassessing their position on school integration.
- Tom Joyner

What is life, when wanting love? Night without a morning;
love's the cloudless summer sun,
nature gay adorning.
- Robert Burton

Whenever I was upset by something in the papers,
Jack always told me to be more tolerant,
like a horse flicking away flies in the summer.
- Jackie Kennedy

The heroes of our youth grow old - 'the boys of summer in their ruin,'
in Dylan Thomas's verse -
yet we seem the same.
- John Thorn

WE used to tour quite a lot during the summer with Everton in my day.
- Dixie Dean


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.