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Funny Christian Quotes
Funny Christian Sayings

Let these funny Christian Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung


 

Do not let Sunday be taken from you.
If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
- Albert Schweitzer

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor


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I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted,
every hill and mountain shall be made low,
the rough places will be made straight
and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed
and all flesh shall see it together.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

This too, shall pass.
- Bible

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection,
not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.
- Martin Luther

Comfort and prosperity have never enriched
the world as much as adversity has.
- Billy Graham

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17

Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.
- Joseph Addison

In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolph Hitler

For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10

We must be ready to learn from one another,
not claiming that we alone possess all truth
and that somehow we have a corner on God.
- Archbishop Desmond Tutu

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- The Bible

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

The will of God will never take you
to where the grace of God will not protect you.
- Anonymous

When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- Proverbs 23:7

Christian voters should start looking
at global warming and extreme poverty
as religious issues that speak to the culture of life.
- Al Franken

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Humility is not thinking less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself less.
- Rick Warren (author of The Purpose Driven(R) Life)

Forgive Your Brother from Your Heart.
- Matthew 18:21-22

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
- Mother Teresa

Love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth

The great gift of Easter is hope -
Christian hope which makes us have that confidence in God,
in his ultimate triumph, and in his goodness and love,
which nothing can shake.
- Basil C. Hume

Let us touch the dying, the poor,
the lonely and the unwanted
according to the graces we have received
and let us not be ashamed
or slow to do the humble work.
- Mother Teresa

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

The miracle is not that we do this work,
but that we are happy to do it.
- Mother Teresa

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

We are all pencils in the hand of God.
- Mother Teresa

No man ever prayed heartily without learning something.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be a Christian without prayer
is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
- St Francis of Assisi

It is not fitting, when one is in God's service,
to have a gloomy face or a chilling look.
- St. Francis of Assisi

God has given us two hands, one to receive with
and the other to give with.
- Billy Graham

(Jesus on Love)
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say.
Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful:
he makes saints out of sinners.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Even in the Christian religion,
much of its real meaning is hidden by words
that are misleading and symbols that but few understand.
- Ernest Holmes

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss

Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love,
of kindness, of understanding, of peace.
Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God -
the rest will be given.
- Mother Teresa

Now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
- Corinthians 13:13

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,
and one who has any faith in God
should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
...
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
- attributed to St. Francis of Assisi

A man's pride shall bring him low,
but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.
- Proverbs 29:23

Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.
- Mother Teresa

Only he can take great resolves who has
indomitable faith in God and has fear of God.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

My family background was deeply Christian.
- Abbe Pierre

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
- Albert Einstein

It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul
grows in proportion as you subdue the flesh.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

We should live our lives as though
Christ were coming this afternoon.
- Jimmy Carter

Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
- St. Francis of Assisi

The smallest seed of faith is better than
the largest fruit of happiness.
- Henry David Thoreau

Put your nose into the Bible everyday.
It is your spiritual food.
And then share it.
Make a vow not to be a lukewarm Christian.
- Kirk Cameron

Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
- Matthew 18:15

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

When you read God's Word, you must
constantly be saying to yourself,
"It is talking to me, and about me."
- Soren Kierkegaard

I have been all things unholy.
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
- St. Francis of Assisi

A man who was completely innocent,
offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others,
including his enemies,
and became the ransom of the world.
It was a perfect act.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Your worst days are never so bad
that you are beyond the reach of God's grace.
And your best days are never so good
that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
- Anonymous

Faith has to do with things that are not seen
and hope with things that are not at hand.
- Saint Thomas Aquinas.

Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.
- Psalm 16:1


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