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Frank Zappa Quotes
Funny Quotes by Frank Zappa

Let these funny Frank Zappa Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

There are more love songs than anything else.
If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
- Frank Zappa

Music, in performance, is a type of sculpture.
The air in the performance is sculpted into something.
- Frank Zappa

You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say,
so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.
- Frank Zappa

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
- Frank Zappa


 

If you want to get laid, go to college.
If you want an education, go to the library.
- Frank Zappa

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.
- Frank Zappa

Without deviation progress is not possible.
- Frank Zappa


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Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
- Frank Zappa

The United States is a nation of laws:
badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

Most rock journalism is people who can't write,
interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.
- Frank Zappa

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch
of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
- Frank Zappa

The computer can't tell you the emotional story.
It can give you the exact mathematical design,
but what's missing is the eyebrows.
- Frank Zappa

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe,
and it has a longer shelf life.
- Frank Zappa

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice.
There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork,
and the other is nostalgia.
- Frank Zappa

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people
will agree with you only if they already agree with you.
You do not change people's minds.
- Frank Zappa

Everybody believes in something and everybody,
by virtue of the fact that they believe in something,
uses that something to support their own existence.
- Frank Zappa

I searched for years I found no love.
I'm sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.
- Frank Zappa

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
- Frank Zappa

No change in musical style will survive unless it is
accompanied by a change in clothing style.
Rock is to dress up to.
- Frank Zappa

Music is always a commentary on society.
- Frank Zappa

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will
on unsuspecting air molecules,
often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.
- Frank Zappa

I never set out to be weird.
It was always other people who called me weird.
- Frank Zappa

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.
It helps if you have some kind of a football team,
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
- Frank Zappa

Some scientists claim that hydrogen,
because it is so plentiful,
is the basic building block of the universe.
I dispute that.
I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen,
and that is the basic building block of the universe.
- Frank Zappa

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost PHOTO

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West PHOTO

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

I am certainly not an authority on love because there
are no authorities on love,
just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
- Bill Cosby

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational
act that two people in love can commit.
- Bill Cosby

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
- Bob Hope

Brought up to respect the conventions,
love had to end in marriage.
I'm afraid it did.
- Bette Davis

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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