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Let these funny Yesterday Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll 
Our unhappiness is triggered by either
having less than yesterday,
or having less than our neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser
All unhappiness comes from either
having less than yesterday,
or from having less than one's neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not think much of a man who is
not wiser today than he was yesterday.
- Abraham Lincoln
The way to happiness is what I call Zero-Based Gratitude.
Each day be happy and grateful for what you have,
independent of yesterday and of other people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The present is the ever moving shadow
that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous
Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb
Today Is More Joyful Than Yesterday,
And Tomorrow Will Be More Joyful Still.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness;
and knows that yesterday is but today's memory
and tomorrow is today's dream.
- Khalil Gibran
Today's problems can seldom be solved using yesterday's answers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is a canceled check;
tomorrow is a
promissory note;
today is the only cash you have;
so spend it wisely.
- Kay Lyons
People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not say, "It is morning,"
and dismiss it with a name of yesterday.
See it for the first time
as a newborn child that has no name.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
- Anonymous
I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
- Edmond Rostand
Yesterday is dead. Tomorrow is a dream.
Today - each today - is where the action is
where all of life occurs.
Today IS your life - your only life.
Life today to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are now at a point where we must educate our children
in what no one knew yesterday,
and prepare our schools for what no one knows yet.
- Margaret Mead
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein
A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow
It is difficult to say what is impossible,
for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today
and the reality of tomorrow.
- Robert H. Goddard
Every day is a new beginning -
a day for a new plan and new action.
If today, in conscious awareness, you choose
the same plan as yesterday, you are wise.
If you choose a different plan, you are equally wise.
Whatever you choose, choose with intention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Have a talk with your mind
(it really is something separate from yourself).
Lay down the law.
"My life begins TODAY.
I am like a newborn.
I have what I have today;
I have my fingers, my toes,
some people in my life,
some material and financial state.
Yesterday is only a dream -
perhaps a nightmare,
perhaps a cherished memory,
but only a dream - nothing more.
I will make all decisions and actions based solely
on what I have today as a starting point."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Which beliefs bring out the best in you?
Which beliefs hold you prisoner to yesterday
and limit your options for designing a great future?
Test your beliefs with as much objectivity
as you can bring to the subject.
Be willing to let go of those beliefs
that represent your parents' opinions,
or your communities opinions, rather than your own.
Those beliefs that withstand rigorous testing,
should become the foundation of your being -
your reason for living.
Take action on those beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Suppose our gratitude could be zero-based gratitude.
With zero-based gratitude,
we would be grateful for everything we had each day -
regardless of whether it was more or less than yesterday.
With zero-based gratitude, I can be grateful for all the people,
the love, the food, the shelter, the services,
the health, that I am blessed with today,
regardless of what I had yesterday.
With zero-based gratitude,
I can be grateful each day for the gift of life itself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.