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Let these funny Worm Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous
We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
- Winston Churchill
All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
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Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.