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Let these funny Wiped Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
There is a time to cry for those we have lost,
and there is a time to wipe the tears and smile again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
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One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time
like dew on the tip of a leaf.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud
The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton
There is only one time that is important - NOW!
It is the most important time because
it is the only time that we have any power.
- Leo Tolstoy
The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler
The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools,
but the gentle touches of air and water
working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
- Henry David Thoreau
Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins
Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like dancing.
If we have a big floor, many people will dance.
Some will get angry when the rhythm changes.
But life is changing all the time.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone
Every time you don't follow your inner guidance,
you feel a loss of energy, a loss of power,
a sense of spiritual deadness.
- Shakti Gawain
Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.
It's the time we spent together that matters,
not how we left it.
- Trey Parker
In order to discover new lands,
one must be willing to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.
- Anonymous
This is no time for ease and comfort.
It is time to dare and endure.
- Winston Churchill
The mind exists in time, in fact the mind is time;
it exists in the past and the future.
And remember, time consists of only two tenses,
the past and the future.
The present is not part of time,
the present is part of eternity.
- Osho
Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis
Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like a snail to our impatience,
then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath.
- the movie Simon Birch
Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.
- Anonymous
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In time we hate that which we often fear.
- William Shakespeare
Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection,
not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.
- Martin Luther
It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill
This is our moment, this is our time.
- Bono
It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson
There was a time when a man was so convinced
that the world was round
that he was determined to prove it.
- Ernest Holmes
I am but a grain of sand on the beach of life.
My footprints in the sands of time soon wash away.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Habit is habit,
and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.
- Mark Twain
Life is now.
There was never a time when your life was not now,
nor will there ever be.
- Eckhart Tolle
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
- Marie Curie
Urgent? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with..
- the movie Simon Birch
Regret is an appalling waste of time.
- Katherine Mansfield
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.