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Let these funny Whereas Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
I believe in intuition and inspiration.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited,
whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.
It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.
- Albert Einstein
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.