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Let these funny Wedded Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It is when power is wedded to chronic fear
that it becomes formidable.
- Eric Hoffer
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
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The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.