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Let these funny Vanity Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?
Expediency asks the question - is it politic?
Vanity asks the question - is it popular?
But conscience asks the question - is it right?
And there comes a time when one must take a position
that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular;
but one must take it BECAUSE it is right.
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
Use what talents you possess.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang there,
except those that sang best.
- Henry Van Dyke
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
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None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude.
Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves,
and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
- Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul.
- Henry Van Dyke
Like everyone else I feel the need of relations and friendship,
of affection, of friendly intercourse,
and I am not made of stone or iron,
so I cannot miss these things without feeling,
as does any other intelligent man, a void and deep need.
I tell you this to let you know how much good your visit has done me.
- Vincent Van Gogh
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
Simple living is the way to happy living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We will either find a way or make one.
- Hannibal
Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.
- Audre Lorde
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu
The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
When ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
- Anais Nin
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body
treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- Peter Medawar
We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau
Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb
The most effective way to cope with change
is to help create it.
- L. W. Lynett
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
Humans are allergic to change.
They love to say, "We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing
The only way to discover the limits of the possible
is to go beyond them into the impossible.
- Arthur C. Clarke
We are addicted to being the way we are
- don Miguel Ruiz
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
The most effective way to do it, is to do it.
- Amelia Earhart
All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.