Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Traits Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
Man's most valuable trait is a judicious sense
of what not to believe.
- Euripides
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Thank you for visiting: Funny Traits Quotes - Funny Quotes about Traits.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.