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Let these funny Torment Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession
as they torment us with their loss.
- Epicurus
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The jealous are troublesome to others,
but a torment to themselves.
- William Penn
The world is a mirror for anger,
which returns to its source as burning torment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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You may be deceived if you trust too much,
but you will live in torment
if you don't trust enough.
- Frank Crane
Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety)
by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins,
all of them imaginary.
- H. L. Mencken
War is the ultimate tool of politics.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics
do not know what religion is.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
In war, you can only be killed once,
but in politics, many times.
- Winston Churchill
Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business.
- Winston Churchill
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Politics are very much like war.
We may even have to use poison gas at times.
- Winston Churchill
I am never going to have anything more to do
with politics or politicians.
When this war is over I shall confine myself entirely
to writing and painting.
- Winston Churchill
Politics is a profession; a serious, complicated and,
in its true sense, a noble one.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I'm always rather nervous about how you talk
about women who are active in politics,
whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
- John F. Kennedy
I was losing interest in politics,
when the repeal of the Missouri Compromise aroused me again.
What I have done since then is pretty well known.
- Abraham Lincoln
Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen
who would protect the rights and privileges of free people
and who would preserve what is
good and fruitful in our national heritage.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.
- Albert Einstein
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60.
They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.