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Let these funny Ton Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
My definition of success is to live your life in a way
that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain -
and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel
a lot more pleasure than they do pain.
- Tony Robbins
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Only those who have learned the power
of sincere and selfless contribution
experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.
- Tony Robbins
The path to success is to take massive, determined action.
- Tony Robbins
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Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.
- Tony Robbins
I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece.
I challenge you to join the ranks of those people
who live what they teach, who walk their talk.
- Tony Robbins
Sometimes it is better to lose
and do the right thing
than to win and do the wrong thing.
- Tony Blair
To succeed, you need to find
something to hold on to,
something to motivate you,
something to inspire you.
- Tony Dorsett
If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid;
if you don't ask a stupid question, you remain stupid.
- Tony Rothman
It is not what we get.
But who we become, what we contribute...
that gives meaning to our lives.
- Tony Robbins
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you've always gotten.
- Tony Robbins (quoting Mark Twain)
Stay committed to your decisions,
but stay flexible in your approach.
- Tony Robbins
We can change our lives.
We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.
- Tony Robbins
Whatever happens, take responsibility.
- Tony Robbins
Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins
People are not lazy.
They simply have impotent goals -
that is, goals that do not inspire them.
- Tony Robbins
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll
The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,
but the thought which it suggests;
just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones
but in the echoes of our hearts.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life doesn't step on your toes when you Dance Lightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Watch your toes when you waltz with life, Dance Lightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Have a talk with your mind
(it really is something separate from yourself).
Lay down the law.
"My life begins TODAY.
I am like a newborn.
I have what I have today;
I have my fingers, my toes,
some people in my life,
some material and financial state.
Yesterday is only a dream -
perhaps a nightmare,
perhaps a cherished memory,
but only a dream - nothing more.
I will make all decisions and actions based solely
on what I have today as a starting point."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.