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Let these funny Tells Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolf Hitler
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you
it's going to be a butterfly.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
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For everything observed or experienced,
each of us creates a "story" - not sometimes, but always.
A "story" is the fiction a person tells themselves
about what has happened or is happening.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A mask tells us more than a face.
- Oscar Wilde
The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires.
- William Arthur Ward
To know what you prefer
instead of humbly saying Amen
to what the world tells you you ought to prefer,
is to have kept your soul alive.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
I submit that an individual who breaks the law
that conscience tells him is unjust
and willingly accepts the penalty by staying in jail
to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice,
is in reality expressing the very highest respect for law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
An individual who breaks a law that
conscience tells him is unjust,
and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment
in order to arouse the conscience
of the community over its injustice,
is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
One who breaks an unjust law
that conscience tells him is unjust,
and who willingly accepts
the penalty of imprisonment
in order to arouse the conscience
of the community over its injustice,
is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain
Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Tell your heart that the fear of suffering
is worse than the suffering itself.
- Paulo Coelho
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We take refuge in pride,
because we are afraid to tell the truth to ourselves.
- Kakuzo Okakura
Naturally, the common people don't want war ...
but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy,
and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought
to the bidding of the leaders.
That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked,
and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in every country.
- Hermann Goering
Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.
- Jonas Salk
Tell me what company thou keepst,
and I'll tell thee what thou art.
- Miguel de Cervantes
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton
When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.
- Saint Bartholomew
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You don't need anybody to tell you
who you are or what you are.
You are what you are!
- John Lennon
It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.
My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
- Louis Pasteur
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job,
tell 'em, Certainly I Can. -
and get busy and find out how to do it.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Spanish Proverb
What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44
If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray
We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie,
the thing that we fear grows stronger.
- Williams Tad
I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie.
- Michel de Montaigne
The best comfort I could offer
was to just let her tell her story.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it,
people will eventually come to believe it.
- Joseph Goebbels (Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany)
We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The most interesting information comes from children,
for they tell all they know and then stop.
- Mark Twain
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken
Intent is what can make a man succeed
when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated.
- Carlos Castaneda
We tell lies, yet it is easy to show that lying is immoral.
- Epictetus
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
- Naguib Mahfouz
It's essential to tell the truth at all times.
This will reduce life's pain.
Lying distorts reality.
All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected.
- John Bradshaw
I used to tell my husband that,
if he could make me "understand" something,
it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
No greater thing is created suddenly,
any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig.
If you tell me that you desire a fig,
I answer you that there must be time.
Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
- Epictetus
(Jesus on Love)
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44
The new rage is to say that the government
is the cause of all our problems,
and if only we had no government, we'd have no problems.
I can tell you, that contradicts
evidence, history, and common sense.
- William J. Clinton
People will, in a great degree,
and not without reason,
form their opinion of you upon
that which they have of your friends;
and there is a Spanish proverb
which says very justly,
"Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Lord Chesterfield
My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role,
is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel.
Not as a preacher, not as a leader,
but as a reflection of us all.
- John Lennon
I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver
It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
- Matthew 18:15
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.