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Let these funny Swing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
During his training, a baseball player strives
to make each swing better than the last.
The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless.
It would ingrain bad habits.
The same is true of emotional responses.
If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses,
we just entrench our anger habit.
But if we strive - through consciousness, visualization, and coaching -
to moderate our anger response,
over time, we can train ourselves to respond
to events as we choose - without anger.
You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow,
but you can put yourself on your own training program
that will reduce the frequency and intensity
of your anger response day by day, year by year.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
From one point of view, one individual's vote
doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
The probability of an election swinging
by a single vote is infinitesimal.
On the other hand, if everybody took the attitude
that voting didn't matter, there could never
be a democratically elected government - at all.
So, does your vote matter? You bet your vote matters.
And, at least as much as your vote matters,
your intention for the future of the world matters.
That's so important, it's worth saying again.
At Least As Much As Your Vote Matters,
Your Intention For The Future Of The Entire World Matters.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.