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Let these funny Surprises Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The beauty of facing life unprepared is tremendous.
Then life has a newness, a youth;
then life has a flow and freshness.
Then life has so many surprises.
And when life has so many surprises,
boredom never settles in you.
- Osho
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton
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The True Surprise is that
So Many of Us have Evolved So Rapidly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
May your season shine with delight and surprise.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The fact that I exist is a perpetual surprise.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I hope that you walk around the corner
and you get very surprised.
- Miranda Richardson
To be surprised, to wonder, is to begin to understand.
- Jose Ortega Y Gasset
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
All that this world needs is a good cleansing of the heart
of all the inhibitions of the past.
And laughter and tears can do both.
Tears will take out all the agony that is hidden inside you
and laughter will take all that is preventing your ecstasy.
Once you have learned the art you will be immensely surprised.
- Osho
One of the advantages of being disorganized is that
one is always having surprising discoveries.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.