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Let these funny Subjects Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
About most subjects, there is not "The Truth;"
there is merely one's personal truth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed
in any subject as I am in mine.
- Charles Darwin
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There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson
Which beliefs bring out the best in you?
Which beliefs hold you prisoner to yesterday
and limit your options for designing a great future?
Test your beliefs with as much objectivity
as you can bring to the subject.
Be willing to let go of those beliefs
that represent your parents' opinions,
or your communities opinions, rather than your own.
Those beliefs that withstand rigorous testing,
should become the foundation of your being -
your reason for living.
Take action on those beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My only fear is that I may live too long.
This would be a subject of dread to me.
- Thomas Jefferson
One defeats a fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself,
but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.
- George Orwell
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.