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Let these funny Straight Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted,
every hill and mountain shall be made low,
the rough places will be made straight
and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed
and all flesh shall see it together.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller
All you have to do is look straight and see the road,
and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk.
- Ayn Rand
Never bend your head. Always hold it high.
Look the world straight in the eye.
- Helen Keller
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The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability,
but comes through continuous struggle.
And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom.
A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy,
that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
We must become the change we wish to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
I am not the same having seen the moon shine
on the other side of the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is a day to honor other cultures.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not.
- Bono
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Choose the World You See,
and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu
Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A Single Generosity Enlarges the World.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde
Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy
The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
- Nelson Mandela
Dream up the world you want to live in. Dream out loud.
- Bono
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one can find inner peace except by working,
not in a self-centered way, but for the whole human family.
- Peace Pilgrim
Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.
For, indeed, that's all who ever have.
- Margaret Mead
When all you know is bombs,
everything looks like a target.
Give peace and diplomacy a chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We live in a wonderful world that is
full of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures that we can have
if only we seek them with our eyes open.
- Jawaharlal Nehru
Misery nourishes your ego -
that's why you see so many miserable people in the world.
The basic, central point is the ego.
- Osho
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller
Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.
I can never be what I ought to be
until you are what you ought to be.
This is the interrelated structure of reality.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.