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Let these funny Stored Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm
to the vessel in which it is stored
than to anything on which it is poured.
- Mark Twain
The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss
I Watch Wondrous Cloud Animals Parade My Story.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For everything I observe or experience,
I create a story - not sometimes, but always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The greatest obstacle to a Joyful Life
is your "story" about your life.
Your story is filled with perceives needs and obligations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Story is a sacred visualization,
a way of echoing experience.
- Terry Tempest Williams
When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill
I choose to create a joyful story in THIS moment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For everything observed or experienced,
each of us creates a "story" - not sometimes, but always.
A "story" is the fiction a person tells themselves
about what has happened or is happening.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Miracles are a retelling in small letters
of the very same story
which is written across the whole world
in letters too large for some of us to see.
- C. S. Lewis
The best comfort I could offer
was to just let her tell her story.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I create a new and more loving story
to surround each event in my past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is my day to practice whimsey,
skip on the beach, and play with the waves,
watch wondrous cloud animals parade my story,
find a magical white bunny down every rabbit hole.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sharpen your pencil as you create the story of your life.
Ask today as you consider the many choices in your view -
what is the highest and best use
of your talents, skills and abilities?
When you answer that,
seize the opportunity to sharpen those qualities
even more sharply by applying your focused effort.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Today is your day to practice whimsey,
skip on the beach, and play with the waves,
watch wondrous cloud animals parade your story,
find a magical white bunny down every rabbit hole.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My diary is a mirror telling the story of a dreamer who,
a long long time ago went through life the way one reads a book.
- Anais Nin
For me, the most powerful expressions of true Christianity
in this material world are an unconditional love of all humans,
and an uncompromising commitment to caring for all
who are sick, infirm, or troubled -
as expressed in the biblical story of the Good Samaritan.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What if we like our outrageous side best?
We "know" that the "right" thing to do is to suck it up,
put the costume and the happy face back in storage for another year,
re-dress in our frown and gray flannel suit,
and trudge back to job, chores, "responsibilities," and "duty."
Stop! Maybe TODAY is the day to put the frown and gray flannel
into that dusty storage locker, and start to LIVE.
Not just today, but EVERY DAY for the rest of your life!
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60.
They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.