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Let these funny Sick Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
'Tis healthy to be sick sometimes.
- Henry David Thoreau
The Science of Mind is intensely practical
because it teaches us how to use
the Mind Principle for definite purposes,
such as helping those who are sick, impoverished, or unhappy.
- Ernest Holmes
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha
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Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham
Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran
Some are reputed sick and some are not.
It often happens that the sicker man
is the nurse to the sounder.
- Henry David Thoreau
There is one consolation in being sick;
and that is the possibility that you may recover
to a better state than you were ever in before.
- Henry David Thoreau
For me, the most powerful expressions of true Christianity
in this material world are an unconditional love of all humans,
and an uncompromising commitment to caring for all
who are sick, infirm, or troubled -
as expressed in the biblical story of the Good Samaritan.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor
makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor - according to me -
is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.