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Let these funny Shotgun Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.