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Funny Rural Quotes
Funny Quotes about Rural

Let these funny Rural Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

We are all one whether we dine on corned beef in New York City,
black-eyed peas and cornbread in rural Louisiana,
or roast guinea pig in Peru.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A worker in the rural reconstruction must have:
The body of an athlete
The attitude of a teacher
The mind of a scientist
The heart of a missionary
The spirit of a crusader.
- Jimmy Yen

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)


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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary


 

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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