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Let these funny Promissory Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Yesterday is a canceled check;
tomorrow is a
promissory note;
today is the only cash you have;
so spend it wisely.
- Kay Lyons
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
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Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser
Our unhappiness is triggered by either
having less than yesterday,
or having less than our neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All unhappiness comes from either
having less than yesterday,
or from having less than one's neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein
The present is the ever moving shadow
that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is difficult to say what is impossible,
for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today
and the reality of tomorrow.
- Robert H. Goddard
We are now at a point where we must educate our children
in what no one knew yesterday,
and prepare our schools for what no one knows yet.
- Margaret Mead
Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb
I do not think much of a man who is
not wiser today than he was yesterday.
- Abraham Lincoln
The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness;
and knows that yesterday is but today's memory
and tomorrow is today's dream.
- Khalil Gibran
Do not say, "It is morning,"
and dismiss it with a name of yesterday.
See it for the first time
as a newborn child that has no name.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous
Today's problems can seldom be solved using yesterday's answers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
- Anonymous
I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
- Edmond Rostand
Today Is More Joyful Than Yesterday,
And Tomorrow Will Be More Joyful Still.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is dead. Tomorrow is a dream.
Today - each today - is where the action is
where all of life occurs.
Today IS your life - your only life.
Life today to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way to happiness is what I call Zero-Based Gratitude.
Each day be happy and grateful for what you have,
independent of yesterday and of other people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every day is a new beginning -
a day for a new plan and new action.
If today, in conscious awareness, you choose
the same plan as yesterday, you are wise.
If you choose a different plan, you are equally wise.
Whatever you choose, choose with intention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Have a talk with your mind
(it really is something separate from yourself).
Lay down the law.
"My life begins TODAY.
I am like a newborn.
I have what I have today;
I have my fingers, my toes,
some people in my life,
some material and financial state.
Yesterday is only a dream -
perhaps a nightmare,
perhaps a cherished memory,
but only a dream - nothing more.
I will make all decisions and actions based solely
on what I have today as a starting point."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Suppose our gratitude could be zero-based gratitude.
With zero-based gratitude,
we would be grateful for everything we had each day -
regardless of whether it was more or less than yesterday.
With zero-based gratitude, I can be grateful for all the people,
the love, the food, the shelter, the services,
the health, that I am blessed with today,
regardless of what I had yesterday.
With zero-based gratitude,
I can be grateful each day for the gift of life itself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Which beliefs bring out the best in you?
Which beliefs hold you prisoner to yesterday
and limit your options for designing a great future?
Test your beliefs with as much objectivity
as you can bring to the subject.
Be willing to let go of those beliefs
that represent your parents' opinions,
or your communities opinions, rather than your own.
Those beliefs that withstand rigorous testing,
should become the foundation of your being -
your reason for living.
Take action on those beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.