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Let these funny Profit Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If in our daily life we can smile,
if we can be peaceful and happy,
not only we, but everyone will profit from it.
This is the most basic kind of peace work.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
- Publilius Syrus
Profit is a by-product of work;
happiness is its chief product.
- Henry Ford
What does it profit, my brethren,
if someone says he has faith but does not have works?
Can faith save him?
- James 2:14
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Not paying a just wage, not giving work,
only because one is looking at the bottom line,
at the budget of the company, seeking only profit -
that is against God.
- Pope Francis
If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach
The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous
The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true
were really true, there would be little hope of advance.
- Orville Wright
Begin each day as if it were on purpose.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Our pleasures were simple - they included survival.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If we knew what it was we were doing,
it would not be called research, would it?
- Albert Einstein
If life were predictable
it would cease to be life,
and be without flavor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
"I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.
"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
- Indian Proverb
Future generations are not going to ask us
what political party were you in.
They are going to ask what did you do about it,
when you knew the glaciers were melting.
- Martin Sheen
Win as if you were used to it,
lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The journey between what you once were
and who you are now becoming
is where the dance of Life really takes place.
- Barbara De Angelis
I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Follow your bliss and doors will open
where there were no doors before.
- Joseph Campbell
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self,
can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Whenever you do a thing,
act as if all the world were watching.
- Thomas Jefferson
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity.
Love like there's no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.
- Max Lucado
It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be,
and you'll help them to become
what they are capable of becoming.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.