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Let these funny Pierced Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.