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Let these funny Pick Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill
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All paths are the same, leading nowhere.
Therefore, pick a path with heart!
- Carlos Castaneda
Happiness is a choice.
You grieve, you stomp your feet,
you pick yourself up and choose to be happy.
- Lucy Lawless
We occasionally stumble over the truth
but most of us pick ourselves up and
hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill
When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir
Release your burdens - your fears, regrets,
guilts, shames, embarrassments, angers.
One by one, pick up each memory or fear that troubles you,
hold it close, and release it to the Universe.
Release each incident from your past that still bothers you.
Release each fear - your fears about your health,
your family, your job, and every other fear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Can you achieve your goals?
You can't reach your goal if you haven't
defined your goals.
And you can't succeed if you don't try -
and then pick yourself up
and try again each time you fail.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Pick up a stone that feels good to you
and is small enough to hold in one hand.
Consider how long that stone has been around
and what enormous pressure it has experienced.
Draw strength from its long history.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
- William J. Clinton
Hunger is the best pickle.
- Benjamin Franklin
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hunger makes a thief of any man.
- Pearl S. Buck
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world than for bread.
- Mother Teresa
The hunger for love is
much more difficult to remove
than the hunger for bread.
- Mother Teresa
Love men and women not for their strength
but their softness,
not for their fullness but their hunger,
not for their plenty but their need.
- Anais Nin
(paraphrase)
For food that stays our hunger,
For rest that brings us ease,
For homes where memories linger,
We give our thanks for these.
- Anonymous
Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head,
and knows not that it brings abundance
to drive away the hunger.
- Saint Basil
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies in the final sense
a theft from those who hunger and are not fed,
those who are cold and are not clothed.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
While they were saying among themselves
it cannot be done, it was done.
- Helen Keller
I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter
Hide not your talents,
they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?
- Benjamin Franklin
Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado
We would never have a word for Joy
if there were no suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life were predictable
it would cease to be life,
and be without flavor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.