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Let these funny Parachutes Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.