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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Null Quotes
Funny Quotes about Null

Let these funny Null Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


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No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash


 

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.