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Let these funny Misprint Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer 
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden
There are three rules for dating:
1) Don't;
2) If you must, just be careful;
3) Forget the rules, your hormones will win anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
Be careful to leave your sons well instructed rather than rich,
for the hopes of the instructed
are better than the wealth of the ignorant.
- Epictetus
Pride comes in two flavors -
be careful which you choose -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful the friends you choose -
for you will become like them.
- W. Clement Stone
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
People in their handlings of affairs
often fail when they are about to succeed.
If one remains as careful at the end
as he was at the beginning,
there will be no failure.
- Lao Tzu
While you are proclaiming peace with your lips,
be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.
- St. Francis of Assisi
We are what we pretend to be,
so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut
To state the facts frankly
is not to despair the future nor indict the past.
The prudent heir takes careful inventory of his legacies
and gives a faithful accounting
to those whom he owes an obligation of trust.
- John F. Kennedy
While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Parents are usually more careful to bestow knowledge
on their children rather than virtue,
the art of speaking well rather than doing well;
but their manners should be of the greatest concern.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.