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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Minute Quotes
Funny Quotes about Minute

Let these funny Minute Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein


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Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute
with love, grace, and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

For every minute you remain angry,
you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

Start living now.
Stop saving the good china
for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love
until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
- Mary Manin Morrissey

When you get into a tight place
and everything goes against you,
till it seems you cannot hold on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just
the place and time the tide will turn.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful
than a lifetime of nothing special.
- the movie Steel Magnolias

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man,
but he is brave five minutes longer.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes.
He who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
- Chinese Proverb

A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman

Naturally, the common people don't want war ...
but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy,
and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought
to the bidding of the leaders.
That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked,
and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in every country.
- Hermann Goering

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

One's own religion is after all
a matter between oneself
and one's Maker and no one else's.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

You can not find happiness by chasing after it.
Happiness comes from doing what you love to do,
and from being who you truly are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford

Education is what remains after one has forgotten
what one has learned in school.
- Albert Einstein

I look for what needs to be done.
After all, that's how the universe designs itself.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Be an opener of doors for such as come after thee.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

My biggest dream is that my words will inspire heart,
hope and personal responsibility in people around the globe
long after my feet in these shoes aren't walking the planet.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.
- Henry Ward Beecher

A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine

The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth,
and if a man does not know what a thing is,
it is at least an increase in knowledge
if he knows what it is not.
- Carl Jung

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

How you respond to the challenge in the second half
will determine what you become after the game,
whether you are a winner or a loser.
- Lou Holtz

Measures must always, in a progressive society,
be held superior to men, who are after all,
imperfect instruments, working for their fulfillment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
- Nelson Mandela

About morals: I know only that
what is moral is what you feel good after
and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.
- Ernest Hemingway

The sound of 'gentle stillness' after all the thunder
and wind have passed will be the ultimate Word from God.
- Jim Elliot

Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us
and what will be here a long time after we're gone.
- William J. Clinton

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill

Success seems to be largely a matter
of hanging on after others have let go.
- William Feather

Reading, after a certain age,
diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits.
Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinions;
it is easy in solitude to live after your own;
but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd
keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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