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Let these funny Million Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France
Trees go wandering forth in all directions with every wind,
going and coming like ourselves,
traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day,
and through space heaven knows how fast and far!
- John Muir
He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.
- John Stuart Mill, On Liberty (1859)
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The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
- B. C. Forbes
Millions long for immortality
who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- Susan Ertz
Guys are like stars, there are millions of them,
but only one to make your dreams come true.
- Anonymous
The greatest challenge ...
is not the exploring of the mysteries of the outer space,
but the developing of the millions of God's forgotten children,
the developing peoples of the world,
so they can become our equal
and full partners to build a better world -
a world of freedom and brotherhood.
- Jimmy Yen
There is no evil and there are
no evil forces in the world.
There are only people of awareness,
and there are people who are fast asleep -
and sleep has no force.
The whole energy is in the hands of the awakened people.
And one awakened person can awaken the whole world.
One lighted candle can make millions of candles lighted
without losing it's light.
- Osho
The moment you become miserly you are closed
to the basic phenomenon of life: expansion, sharing.
The moment you start clinging to things,
you have missed the target.
Because things are not the target,
you, your innermost being, is the target -
not a beautiful house, but a beautiful you;
not much money, but a rich you;
not many things, but an open being,
available to millions of things.
- Osho
The truest expression of a people
is in its dances and its music.
Bodies never lie.
- Agnes De Mille
Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller
Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser
Before you criticize a man,
walk a mile in his shoes.
- Anonymous
All endeavor calls for the ability
to tramp the last mile,
shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil.
The fight to the finish spirit is the one...
characteristic we must posses
if we are to face the future as finishers.
- Henry David Thoreau
To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
- Lao Tzu (Chinese Proverb)
Can miles truly separate us from friends?
If we want to be with someone we love, aren't we already there?
- Richard Bach
Do the difficult things while they are easy
and do the great things while they are small.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao Tzu
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil
and you're a thousand miles from the corn field.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Smell is a potent wizard that transports you
across thousands of miles
and all the years you have lived.
- Helen Keller
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Know that the greatest fear is fear of the unknown.
Seek to meet the unknown with courage and a sense of adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
- John Lennon
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
You wanna know the meaning of life?
Fugedaboudit - It ain't happnin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Is it ignorance or apathy?
Hey, I don't know and I don't care.
- Jimmy Buffett
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.