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Let these funny Memory Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
- From a headstone in Ireland
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
A life rooted deeply lives and grows in memory.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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Every goodbye is the birth of a memory.
- Dutch Proverb
A life, deeply rooted, lives and grows in memory.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today's events.
- Albert Einstein
When we lose one we love,
our bitterest tears are called forth
by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
- Maurice Maeterlinck
You can't go home again because home has ceased to exist
except in the mothballs of memory.
- John Steinbeck (Travels With Charley)
There is a magic in the memory of schoolboy friendships;
it softens the heart,
and even affects the nervous system
of those who have no heart.
- Benjamin Disraeli
So long as the memory of certain
beloved friends lives in my heart,
I shall say that life is good.
- Helen Keller
Many a man fails as an original thinker
simply because his memory is too good.
- Nietzsche
Gratitude is the memory of the heart.
- Jean Baptiste Massieu
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority
is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo da Vinci
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
- Abraham Lincoln
A friend knows the song in my heart
and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Donna Roberts
The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness;
and knows that yesterday is but today's memory
and tomorrow is today's dream.
- Khalil Gibran
Have a talk with your mind
(it really is something separate from yourself).
Lay down the law.
"My life begins TODAY.
I am like a newborn.
I have what I have today;
I have my fingers, my toes,
some people in my life,
some material and financial state.
Yesterday is only a dream -
perhaps a nightmare,
perhaps a cherished memory,
but only a dream - nothing more.
I will make all decisions and actions based solely
on what I have today as a starting point."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Release your burdens - your fears, regrets,
guilts, shames, embarrassments, angers.
One by one, pick up each memory or fear that troubles you,
hold it close, and release it to the Universe.
Release each incident from your past that still bothers you.
Release each fear - your fears about your health,
your family, your job, and every other fear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Living in the present moment requires discretion toward memory.
Without memory we'd have amnesia. What good would there be in that?
Offer discretion and discernment for our past
with a broad spectrum of forgiveness.
As for our present moment, delight.
And dedication to remain fully present to all the possibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Memory diffuses fact.
- Diane Sawyer
Alas! how little does the memory
of these human inhabitants
enhance the beauty of the landscape.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man can never know the kind of loneliness a woman knows.
Man lies in a woman's womb only to gather strength,
he nourishes himself from this fusion,
and then he rises and goes into the world,
into his work, into battle, into art.
He is not lonely. He is busy.
The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion.
The woman may be busy too, but she feels empty.
Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure
in which she has bathed,
and a charge of electric joy at contact with another.
When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled,
each act of love a a taking of man within her,
an act of birth and rebirth, of child-bearing and man-bearing.
Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew
with a desire to act, to BE.
But for woman, the climax is not in the birth,
but in the moment the man rests inside of her.
- Anais Nin
I think one of the finest gifts I can give
my friends in the holiday season is to pause
with a long enough quality to actually SEE them.
My calm, unhurried presence communicates
this gift of a message, "I see you. I recognize you.
I remember our times of together
and am contributing right now to another quality memory.
I value you and honor and take the time,
right this moment to pause long enough to truly notice you."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love the rain - it washes memories
off the sidewalk of life.
- the movie Play It Again, Sam
I cannot know the pain you feel.
I cannot share your memories or your loss.
My words of sympathy are beneath measure, yet
know that my heart reaches out with love to your heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For food that stays our hunger,
For rest that brings us ease,
For homes where memories linger,
We give our thanks for these.
- Anonymous
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent.
Only no-mind is original and radical.
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
The mind gives you a sort of stupor.
Burdened by the memories of the past,
burdened by the projections of the future,
you go on living - at the minimum.
You dont live at the maximum.
Your flame remains very dim.
Once you start dropping thoughts,
the dust that you have collected in the past,
the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Your whole life becomes a flame,
and a flame without any smoke.
That is what awareness is.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.