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Let these funny Meditating Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When you are eating, eat totally -
chew totally, taste totally, smell totally.
Touch your bread, feel the texture.
Smell the bread, smell the flavor.
Chew it, let it dissolve into your being,
and remain conscious - and you are meditating.
And then meditation is not separate from life.
- Osho
The more I read, the more I meditate;
and the more I acquire,
the more certain I am that I know nothing.
- Voltaire
First meditate, be blissful,
then much love will happen of its own accord.
Then being with others is beautiful
and being alone is also beautiful.
Then it is simple, too.
You dont depend on others
and you dont make others dependent on you.
- Osho
The soul loves to meditate,
for in contact with the Spirit lies its greatest joy.
If, then you experience mental resistance during meditation,
remember that reluctance to meditate comes from the ego;
it doesn't belong to the soul.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
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When you become centered, suddenly there is great freedom
because you know you are not the mind and you are not the body.
- Osho
Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger,
regret, cravings, frustration, fatigue.
Let go of the need for approval.
- Lama Surya Das
Sleep is the best meditation.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
We can live without religion and meditation,
but we cannot survive without human affection.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Being wakeful in each and every moment of your life is meditation.
The simplest definition of meditation is:
when seeing, just see; when hearing, just hear.
- Josh Baran
He who is persistent will realize God.
So try your best to make meditation
a regular experience in your life.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Move to your heart, Breathe.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply - slowly -
fill your lungs with love and gratitude -
exhale each and every trouble -
again and again - gratitude in, troubles out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In meditation practice, the best way to get somewhere
is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Do the small things of life with a relaxed awareness.
When you are eating, eat totally -
chew totally, taste totally, smell totally.
Touch your bread, feel the texture.
Smell the bread, smell the flavor.
Chew it, let it dissolve into your being.
- Osho
Meditation is neither shutting things out nor off.
It is seeing things clearly,
and deliberately positioning yourself differently in relationship to them.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Master teaches that the way of qigong cannot be hurried.
Wuji refers to the time before the creation -
when everything was formless.
Standing in the wuji position, my feet are parallel
to each other, shoulder-width apart.
My knees are slightly bent,
and the tip of my tongue touches the roof of my mouth.
My arms are held in front of me with my elbows bent
and my palms parallel to each other - about four inches apart.
At first I focus on my breathing, and only my breathing.
Later, I visualize the energy or "Qi" between my palms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic,
that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -
and there is no experiment up to now
that has found any center in the brain
which corresponds to awareness.
The whole work of meditation is
to make you aware of all that is "mind"
and disidentify yourself from it.
That very separation is the
greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now you can do and act on only that
which makes you more joyous, fulfills you,
gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty.
But this is possible only if the master in you is awake.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.