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Let these funny Lifelong Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
I consider my greatest accomplishment to be lifelong celibacy.
- Isaac Newton
(discoverer of the laws of gravitation and motion,
famous mathematician, and perhaps the greatest scientist ever)
Life change comes about in two complementary ways -
the "aha" moment, which occurs in a flash of insight;
and the conscious redesigning of habitual behaviors,
which is a lifelong project.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin
A friend to all is a friend to none.
- Aristotle
If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love our friend for their sakes
rather than for our own.
- Charlotte Bronte
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Time is my friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane
Walking with a friend in the dark is better
than walking alone in the light.
- Helen Keller
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
- Jerome Cummings
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson
If you wish to succeed in life,
make perseverance your bosom friend,
experience your wise counselor,
caution your elder brother,
and hope your guardian genius.
- Joseph Addison
Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde
A friend is someone who won't stop
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South
It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
- John Leonard
An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
- Thomas Jefferson
Better to be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best way to destroy an enemy
is to make him a friend.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran
The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
- Henry David Thoreau
A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
When it hurts to look back,
and you're scared to look ahead,
you can look beside you
and your best friend will be there.
- Anonymous
Throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin
A holiday, the day I first named you, "friend."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out
- Walter Winchell
So long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable;
and no man is useless while he has a friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
I choose you as my friend, and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.