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Let these funny Lately Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda 
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
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Better late than never.
- Proverb
You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot
It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
- Henry David Thoreau
It's never too late.
- Anonymous
So long as you have courage and a sense of humor,
it is never too late to start life afresh.
- Freeman Dyson
It is better to learn late than never.
- Publilius Syrus
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous
Tonight, late, when I'm still not done with the day
but must comply with sleep,
I can whisper, "There was done a little good today.
Today I changed myself and the world, just a little.
And yes, I loved." Most days, that is enough.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is too late to be studying Hebrew;
it is more important to understand
even the slang of to-day.
- Henry David Thoreau
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.