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Let these funny Intelligent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is not the strongest of the species that survive,
nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...
It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage
to move in the opposite direction.
- Albert Einstein
If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery
as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.
All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are,
the more they are frightened.
- George S. Patton
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I know that I am intelligent,
because I know that I know nothing.
- Socrates
The road to freedom lies not through
mysteries or occult performances,
but through the intelligent use
of natural forces and laws.
- Ernest Holmes
An instructed and intelligent people
are always more decent and orderly
than an ignorant and stupid one.
- Adam Smith
Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent.
Only no-mind is original and radical.
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
The mind gives you a sort of stupor.
Burdened by the memories of the past,
burdened by the projections of the future,
you go on living - at the minimum.
You dont live at the maximum.
Your flame remains very dim.
Once you start dropping thoughts,
the dust that you have collected in the past,
the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Your whole life becomes a flame,
and a flame without any smoke.
That is what awareness is.
- Osho
Like everyone else I feel the need of relations and friendship,
of affection, of friendly intercourse,
and I am not made of stone or iron,
so I cannot miss these things without feeling,
as does any other intelligent man, a void and deep need.
I tell you this to let you know how much good your visit has done me.
- Vincent Van Gogh
Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.
- Lao Tzu
Failure is only the opportunity to
begin again more intelligently.
- Henry Ford
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Shall I not have intelligence with the earth?
Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
- Henry David Thoreau
Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
- Lao Tzu
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you would take, you must first give,
this is the beginning of intelligence.
- Lao Tzu
There is One Infinite Mind,
which of necessity includes all that is,
whether it be the intelligence in man,
the life in the animal,
or the invisible Presence which is God.
- Ernest Holmes
Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.
- Stephen Hawking
One defeats a fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself,
but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.
- George Orwell
I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority
is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The true sign of intelligence
is not knowledge but imagination.
- Albert Einstein
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
- Napoleon Hill (author of the classic Think and Grow Rich)
Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence -
is the key to unlocking our potential.
- Winston Churchill
There is nothing wrong with America
that faith, love of freedom, intelligence,
and energy of her citizens cannot cure.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying
as to make the thought of global war
include almost a sentence for suicide,
you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension...
would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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