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Let these funny Incomplete Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.