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Let these funny Impossible Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
- Mark Twain
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
The only way to discover the limits of the possible
is to go beyond them into the impossible.
- Arthur C. Clarke
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
- John Keywood
Things are only impossible until they're not.
- Jean-Luc Picard, character in STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools.
The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task.
- Haim G. Ginott
Teamwork is so important that it is virtually impossible for you
to reach the heights of your capabilities
or make the money that you want
without becoming very good at it.
- Brian Tracy
Stand often in the company of dreamers.
They believe you can achieve impossible things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive;
easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.
- Henry Peter Brougham
All that is necessary to break the spell
of inertia and frustration is this:
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
Nobody has ever asked the nuclear family to live
all by itself in a box the way we do.
With no relatives, no support,
we've put it in an impossible situation.
- Margaret Mead
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.
- John F. Kennedy
It always seems impossible until its done.
- Nelson Mandela
It is difficult to say what is impossible,
for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today
and the reality of tomorrow.
- Robert H. Goddard
It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.
- Mother Teresa
Music expresses that which can not be said
and on which it is impossible to be silent.
- Victor Hugo
The difference between the impossible and the possible
lies in a persons determination.
- Tommy Lasorda
Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw
Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
- Anonymous
He who molds the public sentiment...
makes statutes and decisions possible or impossible to make.
- Abraham Lincoln
It is impossible to begin to learn
that which one thinks one already knows.
- Epictetus
The only place where your dream becomes impossible
is in your own thinking.
- Robert H. Schuller
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney
It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything
I still believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank
It is impossible for a man to conceal himself.
In every act, word or gesture,
he stands revealed as he is,
and not as he would have himself appear to be.
From the Universe, nothing is or can be hidden.
- Ernest Holmes
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
We have done so much, for so long, with so little,
we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
- Mother Teresa
Failure does not exist.
Failure is simply someone else's opinion of how
a certain act should have been completed.
Once you believe that no act must be performed
in any specific other-directed way,
then failing becomes impossible.
- Wayne Dyer
Guilt is about actions or behavior;
while shame is about the self.
- "Dr. Sanity"
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
All religions are the same:
Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
- Cathy Ladman
Where there is no accusation of "fault,"
there can be no anger.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Guilt for being rich,
and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn't enough
and you have to go and get shot or something.
- John Lennon
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.
- Audre Lorde
You go against yourself when you
judge or blame yourself for anything
- don Miguel Ruiz
I Release Myself From All Guilt.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be yourself. There is nothing more for you to do
than to be the best YOU that you can be -
with no imitation, no pretense, no guilt, no shame.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw
I Release Myself From All Guilt.
I forgive myself for judging me guilty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Negro needs the white man to free him from his fears.
The white man needs the Negro to free him from his guilt.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I rest in the light of forgiveness.
I forgive myself and others for that
which is done (and better left undone)
and also that which is not done (and better if done).
I give myself permission to enjoy this moment without guilt.
I freely release all uncertainty, regret, and fear.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You are not your mind. You, a Spiritual BEing,
are neither your mind nor your body.
Mind and body are your tools - to use as you choose.
Sometimes your body appears to have a will of its own,
as when it twitches or pains.
Likewise, your mind often appears to have its own will.
That incessant chattering of regret, disappointment, guilt,
shame, foreboding, worry, and fear
is your Rattlesnake Mind striking off on its own.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.