Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Gem Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain
How is it that one rails against that
which is nearly a certainty?
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A great architect is not made by way of a brain
nearly so much as he is made by way
of a cultivated, enriched heart.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
- Jack London
What are the proper grounds for joy?
Is it circumstance which will
determine the stature of my spirit?
Ah, no. It is choice. It is always a choice -
in the face of any event - for joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu
The Creator has not thought proper
to mark those in the forehead
who are of stuff to make good generals.
We are first, therefore, to seek them blindfold,
and then let them learn the trade
at the expense of great losses.
- Thomas Jefferson
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Thank you for visiting: Funny Gem Quotes - Funny Quotes about Gem.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.