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Let these funny Funny Life Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde 
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
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Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
My life is difficult. I need more money.
- the movie The Expendables (2010)
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
- Groucho Marx
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
You wanna know the meaning of life?
Fugedaboudit - It ain't happnin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.