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Let these funny Flattery Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
Imitation is the sincerest flattery.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy,
to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter,
and to lead but not manipulate.
- William Arthur Ward
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Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.
- William Arthur Ward
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My theory has always been, that if we are to dream,
the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter,
than the gloom of despair.
- Thomas Jefferson
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Is the system going to flatten you out
and deny you your humanity,
or are you going to be able to make use of the system
to the attainment of human purposes?
- Joseph Campbell
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
Do you ever question why our educational system
teaches competition rather than cooperation?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no chance and anarchy in the universe.
All is system and gradation.
Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most people don't CHOOSE their value system -
they simply inherit the beliefs of their parents and community.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A system of morality which is based
on relative emotional values
is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception
which has nothing sound in it and nothing true.
- Socrates
There is a magic in the memory of schoolboy friendships;
it softens the heart,
and even affects the nervous system
of those who have no heart.
- Benjamin Disraeli
The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz
One strength of the communist system of the East
is that it has some of the character of a religion
and inspires the emotions of a religion.
- Albert Einstein
When we blindly adopt a religion,
a political system, a literary dogma,
we become automatons. We cease to grow.
- Anais Nin
The best way to enhance freedom in other lands
is to demonstrate here that our democratic system
is worthy of emulation.
- Jimmy Carter
A free America... means just this:
individual freedom for all, rich or poor,
or else this system of government we call democracy
is only an expedient to enslave man
to the machine and make him like it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is much more painful to have lost
something you thought you had,
than never to have had it at all.
If feels as if our trust was dashed.
We are disappointed and we are angry;
but not quite sure at who to direct our anger.
Someone, perhaps "the system," perhaps God,
should have done better.
Most of all we are angry at ourselves -
even though we did our best -
and we are afraid.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The greatest force in the human body
is the natural drive of the body to heal itself -
but that force in not independent of the belief system.
Everything begins with belief.
What we believe is the most powerful option of all.
- Norman Cousins
Living Into the Great Paradox,
I strive toward my vision,
while accepting gratefully whatever life serves up.
I work to bring about my vision of the future,
which is based on my value system of what is right,
just, noble, compassionate, generous, humane, peaceful, and loving.
Simultaneously, I accept that my vision
is based on only my opinions and prejudices,
and I honor all points of view and value systems,
no matter how different from my own.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.