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Let these funny Fix Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fix reason firmly in her seat,
and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion.
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one,
he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blindfolded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
When life seems overwhelming, just step back for a day.
Consider what is most important.
Focus on the crucial issues in your life.
Just let the rest of your upsets go.
You can't fix the whole world, but you can still make a difference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let us not seek the Republican answer
or the Democratic answer,
but the right answer.
Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past.
Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.
- John F. Kennedy
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I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu
The eyes of the cheerful and of the melancholy man
are fixed upon the same creation;
but very different are the aspects which it bears to them.
- Albert Pike
He who is fixed to a star
does not change his mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
For some of us, the world appears to provide
only a fixed quantity of each resource -
a limited amount of food, of money,
of love, of success, of appreciation.
For others, life is unlimited.
Their world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that they contribute.
In this world-view, money that is spent
or given away returns multiplied.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.