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Funny Fathers Quotes
Funny Quotes about Fathers

Let these funny Fathers Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Victory has a thousand fathers,
but defeat is an orphan.
- John F. Kennedy

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead

Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln

I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5


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Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy


 

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton

When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare

So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore

In spite of unseasonable wind, snow
and unexpected weather of all sorts -
a gardener still plants.
And tends what they have planted ...
believing that Spring will come.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates

The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn

The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard

Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Non-violence, which is the quality of the heart,
cannot come by an appeal to the brain.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll

When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield

The WAY is Not The Way for You,
Unless You Come With an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Have you ever hugged a tree?
Hug a tree, and one day you will come to know
that it is not only that
you have hugged the tree
but that the tree also responds,
the tree also hugs you.
- Osho

If a warrior is to succeed at anything,
the success must come gently,
with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.
- Carlos Castaneda

We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Angelina Jolie

Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I come with an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An invasion of armies can be resisted,
but not an idea whose time has come.
- Victor Hugo

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I come to life with an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Guys are like stars, there are millions of them,
but only one to make your dreams come true.
- Anonymous

When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

Strength does not come from physical capacity.
It comes from an indomitable will.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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