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Let these funny Expense Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
In the struggle for survival,
the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals
because they succeed in adapting
themselves best to their environment.
- Charles Darwin
The Creator has not thought proper
to mark those in the forehead
who are of stuff to make good generals.
We are first, therefore, to seek them blindfold,
and then let them learn the trade
at the expense of great losses.
- Thomas Jefferson
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
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Nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Every man is a consumer, and ought to be a producer.
He is by constitution expensive, and needs to be rich.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.