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Let these funny Erroneous Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather 
The world just IS, and we all have our stories about it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Our stories are the window to our emotions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am merely a bit player in your stories,
as you are merely a bit player in mine.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I forgive myself completely for having created stories of suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you follow the trail of your own
enthusiastically repeated stories,
you will begin to rediscover the things
that invigorate and enliven you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal
I forgive myself completely
for having created stories of suffering.
I forgive myself for all
my angers, resentments, jealousies,
and all the other emotions of suffering.
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I confessed recently to an old friend,
"I realized I was looking at you,
in your visit, through old glasses.
Speaking old words.
Telling old stories.
I realize that in my life I've made so many
physical changes and I need to give my spirit time to catch up."
Time for my spirit to look at my friend
through the new glasses of current life experiences.
Old friends are precious.
They become even more treasured when they are wrapped
in the currentness of life experiences
and not relegated to the past in which they once lived.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
- John Lennon
Without this playing with fantasy,
no creative work has ever yet come to birth.
The debt we owe to the play of
the imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung
The power of imagination makes us infinite.
- John Muir
Imagination decides everything.
- Blaise Pascal
Logic will get you from A to B.
Imagination will take you everywhere.
- Albert Einstein
Doubt and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination,
which the steadfast heart will conquer,
and the large mind will transcend.
- Helen Keller
This world is but a canvas to our imagination.
- Henry David Thoreau
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein
Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl:
it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
- Henry David Thoreau
All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy.
What right have we then to depreciate imagination.
- Carl Jung
Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams
than the imagination when awake?
- Leonardo da Vinci
To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing is more dangerous to tradition
than the creative imagination of youth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited.
Imagination encircles the world.
- Albert Einstein
The man who has no imagination has no wings.
- Muhammad Ali
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
- Albert Einstein
I have ready access to a power beyond my wildest imagination.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung
Science does not know its debt to imagination.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are many ways to be free. One of them is to transcend
reality by imagination, as I try to do.
- Anais Nin
It is usually the imagination that is wounded first,
rather than the heart; it being much more sensitive.
- Henry David Thoreau
My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool;
it gives me all the world and exiles me from it.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Imagination is everything.
It is the preview of life's coming attractions.
- Albert Einstein
The true sign of intelligence
is not knowledge but imagination.
- Albert Einstein
An idea is salvation by imagination.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Live out of your imagination, not your history.
- Stephen Covey
It is above all by the imagination
that we achieve perception and compassion and hope.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience,
independent will and creative imagination.
These give us the ultimate human freedom...
The power to choose, to respond, to change.
- Stephen Covey
Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind
a mental picture of yourself as succeeding.
Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade.
Your mind will seek to develop the picture...
Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand,
while imagination embraces the entire world,
and all there ever will be to know and understand.
- Albert Einstein
I believe in intuition and inspiration.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited,
whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.
It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.
- Albert Einstein
One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.