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Let these funny Entitled Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A Bill of Rights is what the people are
entitled to against every government,
and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference.
- Thomas Jefferson
True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington
The purpose is clear. It is safety with solvency.
The country is entitled to both.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower {political}
If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde
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Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
- Bill Cosby
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.
But you have to forgive yourself.
Let go of what's bitter and move on.
- Bill Cosby
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Anonymous (attributed to Bill Wilson, Brandi Snyder and others)
I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby
Leaders are those who empower others.
- Bill Gates
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson
You can't be everything to everyone.
- Bill Cosby
Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby
It's fine to celebrate success
but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.
- Bill Gates
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
Procrastination is the thief of time.
- Edward Young
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
A bad peace is better than a good war.
- Yiddish Proverb
I find that he is happiest
of whom the world says least, good or bad.
- Thomas Jefferson
The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.
- Jim Horning
Good manners sometimes means simply
putting up with other people's bad manners.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
Every form of addiction is bad,
no matter whether the narcotic
be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
- Carl Jung
Correcting bad habits cannot be done
by forbidding or punishment.
- Robert Baden-Powell (the founder of scouting)
Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
Judgment is discernment on a bad hair day.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression
and cruelty by the bad people
but the silence over that by the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Positive thinking has acquired a bad reputation -
which I believe to be totally undeserved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have this theory - that if we're told we're bad,
then that's the only ideal we'll ever have.
- Jewel
There is no odor so bad as that
which arises from goodness tainted.
- Henry David Thoreau
There was never a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed,
easy to get into, but hard to get out of.
- Proverb
Let me give you a definition of ethics:
It is good to maintain and further life
it is bad to damage and destroy life.
- Albert Schweitzer
There is nothing either good or bad,
but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare
Life is fully as bad as you think it is,
so never think life is bad.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare
We will have to repent in this generation,
not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people,
but for the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
About morals: I know only that
what is moral is what you feel good after
and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.
- Ernest Hemingway
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
If you look for the bad in people
expecting to find it, you surely will.
- Abraham Lincoln
Bad times have a scientific value.
These are occasions a good learner would not miss.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock
History, in general, only informs us of what bad government is.
- Thomas Jefferson
The only thing worse than a bad day is no day at all.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We cannot make good news out of bad practice.
- Edward R. Murrow
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government
results from too much government.
- Thomas Jefferson
When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
Experience life in all possible ways -
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter.
Experience all the dualities.
Don't be afraid of experience,
because the more experience you have,
the more mature you become.
- Osho
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't take rejection personally.
Don't let someone else's bad day spoil your day.
As long as you never reject yourself, you'll be fine.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to get a bad law repealed
is to enforce it strictly.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy
of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler
Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin
Faith is trusting in the good.
Fear is putting your trust in the bad.
- Rhonda Byrne
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.