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Let these funny Engraved Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What you leave behind is not what
is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others.
- Pericles
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Regrets are the tears of good deeds left undone
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau
Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau
Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu
He who can no longer pause to wonder
and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead;
his eyes are closed.
- Albert Einstein
There are no good-byes.
Wherever we are, you'll always be in my heart.
- Anonymous
Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson
Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant
However many holy words you read, however many you speak,
what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
- The Buddha
A bad peace is better than a good war.
- Yiddish Proverb
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Don't be dismayed by good-byes.
A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
- Richard Bach
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha
The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.