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Let these funny Eliminate Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow
Mastery is not measured by the number of terrible
things you eliminate from your life, but by
the number of times you eliminate calling them terrible.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
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Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Besides the noble art of getting things done,
there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
- Lin Yutang
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue
by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed -
it is a process of elimination.
- Elbert Hubbard
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
- Thomas Jefferson
Give your time and efforts freely or not at all.
When you are tempted to say,
"Oh, if I have to, I'll skip my golf game
and watch my daughter play soccer," don't do it.
Either generate the heart-felt emotion
to make the free-will gift,
"I'd love to watch your game today, Sandy,"
or the honesty to decline the request gracefully.
Martyrdom doesn't create happiness
for any of the parties involved.
An honest, "No" is preferable to a coerced "Yes."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only good comes from being honest and true.
Only harm and suffering come from falsehood.
It doesn't always feel as if good comes from truth and honesty,
but, in the long run, it does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A good example is the best sermon.
- Benjamin Franklin
Be not like the sugarcane -
do not hold your sweetness inside.
Be like the fruit tree -
be generous with your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie (inspired by Tagore)
An optimist is one who makes the best
of what he gets the worst of.
- Anonymous
It is no use saying, "We are doing our best."
You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
- Winston Churchill
Whatever your work and whatever its worth,
No matter how strong or clever,
Some one will sneer if you pause to hear,
And scoff at your best endeavor.
For the target art has a broad expanse,
And wherever you chance to hit it,
Though close be your aim to the bull's-eye fame,
There are those who will never admit it.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Doing your best is taking the action because you love it,
not because you're expecting a reward
- don Miguel Ruiz
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil.
- Henry David Thoreau
The best way to keep your friends
is not to give them away.
- Wilson Mizner
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.